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Adriaen van Ostade, Dutch
For This Year’s Oscars, Glenda Made the Questionable Decision To Drink Every Time Someone Said the Word “Thank,” ca. 1670
Oil on panel

Józef Simmler, Russian-Polish
“Great. Now Let’s Try a Pose Where You’re Stretching Before the Clothing-Optional Heat of the Ironman Triathlon,” 1841-42
Oil on panel

Gerard van Honthorst, Dutch
“Great Moments in Phallic Portraiture” (Page 417), 1647
Oil on canvas

Joseph Paelinck, Belgian
“Okay, Who’s the Wise Guy Who Stole My Charging Cord? I’m Down to 3%,” 1819
Oil on canvas

Arthur Trevor Haddon, British
“Dude, Relax. Nobody‘s Staring at Your Wife’s Ass,” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas

Arthur Trevor Haddon, British
“That Guy I Went Out With Last Night? On His Profile, He Calls Himself a ‘Maritime Navigational Engineer.’ Turns Out That’s Code For ‘Gondolier,'” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas

Friedrich von Amerling, Austrian
“Hey Friedrich, Why Is It That Every Time You Paint Me, My Face Is in the Dark? Ever Hear of a Ring Light?,” 1838
Oil on canvas

Willem van der Vliet, Dutch
“This Is So On Brand For You, Jasper. You Knew We Were Robbing the Bank Today. How Could You Forget Your Mask?,” 1627
Oil on canvas