Nicasius Bernaerts, Flemish
“Before We Start, Would You Prefer I Kept the Shell On, or Did You Want Me To Pose Nude?,” Between 1643-78
Oil on canvas
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/// A large Sea Turtle, seen on the coast,
does the thing he enjoys second most.
When not taking a swim
loves warm sunshine on him.
“Hasn’t aged me a bit!” he will boast.
/// For one hundred years old, he looks well,
spending time by himself for a spell.
Never bothered to mate;
hasn’t gone on a date.
He’s too shy… can’t come out of his shell.
/// In the background, huge waves upward reach,
dwarfing fisherman down on the beach.
Has the sea been churned up
by that sea serpent pup?
A young kraken preparing to breech.
(For reasons unclear to me, this painting appears to be called “Sea Turtle.” As we are all aware, actual sea turtles have fins, not the feet with claws shown here. Maybe the “title” I found online is a mistranslation of something like “Turtle by the Sea.” In any event, for my comments I made the assumption that the artist just wasn’t all that familiar with sea turtle anatomy.)