THAT IS PRICELESS

John Riley, English

Woman Preparing To Qualify For the Quidditch Senior Tour, 1686

Oil on canvas

Eva Gonzalèz, French

Last Night’s Winner of “Who Wants To Be A Milliner?,” Still Waiting For It To Sink In, Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Gerard can Honthorst, Dutch

Proof That S’Mores Are a Natural Aphrodisiac, ca. 1621

Oil on canvas

Franz von Lenbach, German

Why You Should Never Put Your Bowl of Hot Oatmeal on the Chair Your Model’s About To Sit On. Even For “Just a Second.” 1895

Oil on canvas

Anatolio Scifoni, Italian

“Ugh. Caesar’s Side-Piece Cleopatra Used Up All the Hot Water Again,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Nicasius Bernaerts, Flemish

“Before We Start, Would You Prefer I Kept the Shell On, or Did You Want Me To Pose Nude?,” Between 1643-78

Oil on canvas

Edward Hopper, American

“Congratulations, Sir. According To My Files, That Was Your 311th Inappropriate Comment About My Work Outfits — A New Branch Record!,” 1940

Oil on canvas

Kazimierz Alchimowicz, Russian-Polish

Looks Like Another Pulled Hamstring For Gary, the Aging Porn Star Who Insists on Doing His Own Stunts, 1873

Oil on canvas

Eugène Jansson, Swedish

“Trent, You’re a Waiter. Literally Your Only Skill Is Balancing a Tray of Margaritas. How Is That Going To Get You Another Job?”

Trent:

1913-14

Oil on canvas