Category: Uncategorized

Unknown Artist, Austrian

“Oh, I’m Sorry. I Thought You Said That Whenever You Paint a Minor, There Needs To Be a PARROT in the Room,” ca. 1840

Oil on canvas

James H. Cafferty, American

“Shoot, I Can’t Remember. Is It ‘I Long For the Sight of Thy Fulsome Bosom’ or ‘I Long For the Sight of THINE Fulsome Bosom?,'” 1852

Oil on panel

Louis Moritz, Dutch

“A Strong Blow To This Part of the Head Will Generally Incapacitate an Attacker. Or You Could Always Just Kick Him in the Ol’ Grundlecharms,” ca. 1810

Oil on panel

Bartholomeus van der Helst, Dutch

“I’m Warning You, This Portrait Better Not Make Me Look Heavy. And Don’t Give Me That Crap About the Canvas Adding 10 Pounds,” 1642

Oil on panel

Julius Paulsen, Danish

Best. Party. Ever., 1915

Oil on canvas

Julius Paulsen, Danish

When the Portrait Artist Took His Lunch Break, Agnes Would Sneak In and Paint Penises on the Faces, 1886

Oil on canvas

Walter Whitehead, American

“The Fast and the Furious: This Time It’s Canoes,” 1923

Oil on canvas

Corneille Seghers, Belgian

“My New Printing Press Will Give Even the Basest Commoner Access To Books. Instead of Having To Read Everything on Their Phone,” Between 1837 and 1869

Oil on panel

Samuel S. Carr, American

She Sells Vitamin C To Swells Down By the Seashore, 1877

Oil on canvas

Arturo Ricci, Italian

“Great Moments in Phallic Portraiture” (Page 147), Date Unknown

Oil on canvas