
Unknown Artist, Austrian
“Oh, I’m Sorry. I Thought You Said That Whenever You Paint a Minor, There Needs To Be a PARROT in the Room,” ca. 1840
Oil on canvas

Unknown Artist, Austrian
“Oh, I’m Sorry. I Thought You Said That Whenever You Paint a Minor, There Needs To Be a PARROT in the Room,” ca. 1840
Oil on canvas

James H. Cafferty, American
“Shoot, I Can’t Remember. Is It ‘I Long For the Sight of Thy Fulsome Bosom’ or ‘I Long For the Sight of THINE Fulsome Bosom?,'” 1852
Oil on panel

Louis Moritz, Dutch
“A Strong Blow To This Part of the Head Will Generally Incapacitate an Attacker. Or You Could Always Just Kick Him in the Ol’ Grundlecharms,” ca. 1810
Oil on panel

Bartholomeus van der Helst, Dutch
“I’m Warning You, This Portrait Better Not Make Me Look Heavy. And Don’t Give Me That Crap About the Canvas Adding 10 Pounds,” 1642
Oil on panel

Julius Paulsen, Danish
Best. Party. Ever., 1915
Oil on canvas

Julius Paulsen, Danish
When the Portrait Artist Took His Lunch Break, Agnes Would Sneak In and Paint Penises on the Faces, 1886
Oil on canvas

Walter Whitehead, American
“The Fast and the Furious: This Time It’s Canoes,” 1923
Oil on canvas

Corneille Seghers, Belgian
“My New Printing Press Will Give Even the Basest Commoner Access To Books. Instead of Having To Read Everything on Their Phone,” Between 1837 and 1869
Oil on panel

Samuel S. Carr, American
She Sells Vitamin C To Swells Down By the Seashore, 1877
Oil on canvas

Arturo Ricci, Italian
“Great Moments in Phallic Portraiture” (Page 147), Date Unknown
Oil on canvas