Author: Steve Melcher

Jan Maurits Quinkhard, Dutch

“Excuse Me, Jan, But I’m Prairie-Dogging It Right Now. Can We Take a 5?,” 1754

Oil on canvas

John Ferguson Weir, American

It Wasn’t That Peggy Wasn’t In Love With John. She Just Didn’t Like Feeling Vulnerable. Which Admittedly Was Odd For a Crash Test Dummy, 1885

Oil on canvas

David Adolph Constant Artz, Dutch

“I Appreciate the Effort. I Do. But Next Time Can We Please Just Go To Target and BUY Me Underpants?,” Between 1870-90

Oil on canvas

Basile Lemeunier, French

It Certainly Wasn’t Ideal, But Midge and Madge Appreciated the Fact That If You Were Going To Be Conjoined Twins, Being Connected at the Elbow Was Probably the Best Scenario, 1900

Oil on canvas

Jean Baptiste de Champaigne and Nicolas de Plattemontagne, French

“Oh Hi, I’d Like You To Meet Ron Tucker From People Magazine. Guess Who Was Just Named ‘Sexiest Cellist Alive,'” 1654

Oil on canvas

Thomas Gainsborough, British

William Hoped That If He Sat Very Still, the Dog Might Mistake Him For a Poodle and Go Away, 1771

Oil on canvas

Bryson Burroughs, American

When D’Artagnan and His Crew Awoke To Find Their Luggage Had Been Stolen, They Were Forced To Improvise, 1917

Oil on canvas

Hedwig Oehring, German

“And Get This. I’m Going To Call It…’Macaroni!,'” Date Unknown

Oil on panel