Basile Lemeunier, French
It Certainly Wasn’t Ideal, But Midge and Madge Appreciated the Fact That If You Were Going To Be Conjoined Twins, Being Connected at the Elbow Was Probably the Best Scenario, 1900
Oil on canvas
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/// As the old nineteenth century ends,
down the street walk two trendsetting friends.
Their waists cinched in so tight
there’s some fear that they might
snap in two (if the young lady bends).
/// These new corsets are stiff as a brace.
and an unhealthy fashion disgrace.
They do not let you breathe,
(making suffragists seethe),
and your organs get squeezed out of place.
/// What explains why a sensible wench
wears a garment to painfully clench
and constrict when it’s laced?
To achieve a WASP waist!
(Even though she is Catholic and French.)
/// These two lovelies in youthful full flower
know that whalebone has great staying power.
‘Course it works like a cinch
(if you don’t mind the pinch).
Gird’ll be what it does ‘til you shower.
/// Up-to-date as the latest perfumes
are their hats with magnificent plumes.
Stylish boa’s soft feathers,
shoes and purse of rare leathers.
Do these girls care what species it dooms?
/// In the crowd just behind them today
stands Antoine, the suave boulevardier.
He admires these jeunes filles,
but the moment they see
it is he, they flounce, giggling, away.
// As Antoine twirls his waxed black mustache,
he considers a move rather brash.
For the girls’ condescension,
(and, to get their attention),
he’ll run past them, turn ‘round, and then flash.
/// No, that man in black isn’t a gent.
He’s the type who’d foreclose for late rent.
As in filmed melodrama,
he would threaten their Mama,
and reveal his surreal lewd intent.