Author: Steve Melcher

Pieter Pietersz, Flemish

“Dude. First You Cram Yourself and That Easel Into This Crowded Elevator. And Now You RIP ONE?!,” 1599

Oil on panel

Max Slevogt, German

Later, Constance Would Explain That the Party Invitation Said “Come As You Are.” It Wasn’t Her Fault She Opened It on the Toilet, 1905

Oil on canvas

Artist Unknown

“Hey Watson, You Can Stop Looking. I Found My Phone,” 1892

Engraving

Jean André Rixens, French

Though It Was Supposedly a Breastseller, Melony Now Understood Why the Book Had Been on the Discount Rack at Barnes & Nipple, 1889

Oil on canvas

Andrew Loomis, American

“Heads, We Enjoy Mother’s Delicious Baked Ham. Tails, We Hit That Swingers Club I Found On Yelp,” 1942

Oil on canvas

William Ely Hill, American

It Was Happening Again. Whenever Leonard Was in the Presence of Beautiful Women, He Totally Froze, 1913

Photomechanical print

Hans Sandreuter, Swiss

It All Came Down To This. Joey Knew He Had To Pick Up the Spare To Have Any Hope of Winning the Strip Bowling Tournament, Date Unknown

Plaster relief