Author: Steve Melcher

William John Wainwright, English

Gus Was What They Call “Toi-Literate,” Meaning He Could Only Read If He Pretended To Be On the John, 1888

Watercolor on paper

Eugène Devéria, French

“Sorry About That. My Cell Reception Is Terrible Out Here, So Now I’m Calling You Back On My Handline,” Date Unknown

Watercolor with gum arabic over traces of graphite on wove paper

Gerard van Honthorst, Dutch

“You’re Right. If I’m Going To Have Body Lice, I Might As Well Name Them. That One Looks Like a ‘Chuck’ To Me,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Thomas Sully, American

“I Cannot Tell a Lie. I’ve Had To Pee For the Past Hour,” ca. 1820

Oil on canvas

Karel Dujardin, Dutch

Cattle Thieves Trying to Hotwire a Hereford, 1657

Oil on canvas

Anders Zorn, Swedish

Jessie Read Somewhere That On a First Date You Should Wear Red and Something Low-Cut. Done and Done. 1914

Oil on canvas

Ferdinand Gueldry, French

How Ohio’s Kayakhoga River Got Its Name, 1888

Oil on canvas

Michiel Sweerts, Flemish

“I’d Appreciate You Not Telling Anyone We’re Selling Torsos in Here. Technically, We’re Only Zoned As a Head Shop,” 1652

Oil on canvas