Author: Steve Melcher

Laurent de La Hyre, French

Putting a Woman on a Pedestal: Step 1 of 4, 1635

Oil on canvas

American Lithographic Co., N.Y.

“Ohhh, You Have a Pet Pir-AN-ha. LOL, I Thought You Said I-GUA-na. What? I’m Sorry — I Can’t Understand You When You’re Frantically Pointing at the Water and Shrieking Like That,” 1900

Lithograph

Louis-Léopold Boilly, French

From the Discontinued IKEA Items Catalog: the Beåvørskrübben, ca. 1790

Oil on canvas

James Lobley, English

When His Gamekeeper Returned Home Empty-Handed After Yet Another Hunt, Lord Bentley Began To Question His Decision To Hire a Vegetarian, ca. 1873

Oil on canvas

De Scott Evans, American

“It’s Called a ‘Clock,’ Honey. It’s What People Use To Tell Time When Their Phone Battery’s Dead, Their Cable Box Is Off, and They Can’t See the Microwave,” 1881

Oil on canvas

Nicolas-René Jollain, French

“Not That I’m Complaining, My Lady, But When You Said You Needed Help With Your ‘Toilet,’ I Kinda Thought I Was Coming Up Here To Jiggle a Handle,” ca. 1780

Oil on copper

Henri Gervex, French and Alfred Stevens, Belgian

“Excuse Me, Guys. Am I Correct in Assuming We’re in a Portrait of the Most Prominent Painters in 19th-Century France? Or Is This the Line For the Men’s Room?,” 1889

Oil on canvas

Carl Holsøe, Danish

“B*tch, I Know You Can Hear Me. So Are You Going To Get Me That Cracker or What?,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Knapp & Co., American

“Hi, Everyone! Welcome To Colton’s Birthday Party. I’ll Be Right Out With Some Snacks After I Chug a Couple of These Bad Boys in the Bathroom,” 1892

Lithograph

Sigismund Righini, German

Woman Practicing Her Look of Disappointment Before Stepping on the Bathroom Scale, 1904

Oil on canvas