Jan Miense-Molenaer, Dutch
When Cyrus Told People His Wife Was a Real Knockout, Technically He Wasn’t Lying, 1637
Oil on panel
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here (archived if necessary), here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page has more).
/// Today’s painting is one of a set—
”The Five Senses,“ an antic quintet.
It shows Touch of two types:
the guy’s gropes; and her swipes.
(Check out ”Smell,” it is raunchier yet!)
/// A drunk reaches his hand up her skirt,
unaware he’s about to be hurt.
Her shoe’s poised to come down
with some force on his crown.
(There are subtler ways he could flirt.)
/// The soused sot seems unwise and unskilled.
Did he think by his touch she’d be thrilled?
He should thank all that’s good
that her shoe wasn’t wood.
Had it been, he might well have been killed.
/// Seated man laughs and seems entertained
by the sight of his pal being brained.
Couples quite often fight.
More so, if both are tight
and emotions cannot be restrained.
/// Does her smile show she doesn’t mind much
to be pawed by his intimate touch?
But, not here in the pub.
Public! Aye, there’s the rub.
It’s no place to be getting in Dutch.
/// There’s a question that’s posed by this view.
How and when did she take off that shoe?
Was it doffed in mid-grope?
She’d fall down— I say NOPE.
This has happened before, and she knew.
/// She’d put up with him, were he her honey,
and might even consider it funny.
But he’s broken her trust
with the wrong kind of lust;
reaching into her garter for money.