Konstantin Egorovich Makovsky, Russian
At Some Eastern European Wedding Receptions, Every Time a Guest Clinks Their Glass, The Groom Has To Fondle the Bride’s Boob, 1883
Oil on canvas
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/// A Boyar Wedding Feast has gone on.
Towards the end, they bring out the roast swan.
When one chant fills the room,
the bride SHOULD kiss the groom,
but she looks like she’d rather be gone.
/// The crowd shouts out the word “bitter” twice.
(Their kiss turns all the wine sweet and nice.)
Her young groom, growing bolder,
bends to her, grabs her shoulder.
From behind, grandma gives good advice.
/// The bride seems so reluctant and tense.
Joyous feast is suffused with suspense.
Will she suddenly say,
“I can’t do it; we’re gåy,
and I will not keep up this pretense!”?
/// After moments of tension have passed,
the girl kisses her husband at last.
They go on with their plan:
Groom will live with Best Man,
and, now wed, Bride’s no longer harassed.
/// I’ve examined this painting. Conclusion:
Any “fondling” is an illusion.
Though her bosom appeals,
it’s her shoulder he feels.
(Still… this doesn’t explain her contusion.)