Unknown Artist, Austrian
“Oh, I’m Sorry. I Thought You Said That Whenever You Paint a Minor, There Needs To Be a PARROT in the Room,” ca. 1840
Oil on canvas
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/// The Johansens don’t know what to do.
In their window this strange parrot flew.
Their child wants it to stay,
“My pet African Grey.”
But it talks, and its language is blue.
/// They first offered a costly new dolly
to their girl (by coincidence) Polly.
Neither stick threats nor carrot
made her give up the parrot.
She turned down a pure-bred baby collie.
/// Though the parrot’s claws puncture her skin,
Polly smiles a mysterious grin.
I’m not certain just where
the girl focused her glare,
but she seems to stare straight at my chin.
/// Blå the parrot continued to curse.
Polly’s parents soon learned something worse.
They found they never knew
who taught swear words to who.
Late at night they could hear them rehearse.
/// (Though my people don’t come from that region,
and my translation errors are legion,
and my accents are poor,
I am still pretty sure
that the word “Blå” is “Blue” in Norwegian.)
/// They decided to murder the bird.
In the opera Bohème they had heard
what Schaunard sang. He said
parsley kills parrots dead,
but it turned out that story’s absurd.
/// Local pet shops in Oslo would not
help Johansen accomplish his plot.
His daughter was smitten,
but a store in Great Britain
might assist him unravel this knot.
/// The girl’s dress is white trimmed with white lace,
yet she stares at us with a long face.
Just “a bird in the hand”
barely meets the demand.
She’s too young for two more in some place.
/// And her head which the artist had sketched
does appear unaccountably stretched.
Her long sausage-curled hair
should have bangs, to be fair.
With less forehead she’d look less far-fetched.