Richard Dadd, British
“Have You Taken Class With This Yoga Instructor Before? Just Wondering If She’ll Be Cool With Me Keeping the Cape On. I’m Not Entirely Confident My Tights Aren’t See-Through,” 1853
Watercolor
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here, here (full article), here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// Tights which men would wear back in the day
were “form-fitting” and nearly risqué.
Modest men might indulge
by enhancing their “bulge,”
so, it’s padding they put on display.
/// What they showed was a matter of pride.
(In this clothing, there’s no way to hide.)
But, when something comes up,
a man should wear a cup,
if, a hard charging horse, he must ride.
/// And these men also wore a long cape,
from the back of the knee to the nape,
which would cover the rear
so no gawker could leer,
for the drape camouflaged every shape.
/// The man wearing a plume, large and pink,
and white tights, (which he prays will not shrink),
holds a staff, displays swagger,
with a sword and a dagger.
Overcompensates much— don’t you think?
/// Those huge feathers would cost them a boodle.
(And, according to that Yankee, Doodle,
they’re called “macaroni,”
but Doodle’s a phony.
It’s well-known: Macaroni’s a noodle!)
/// Though insulting gibes might be heard blabbered
when some onlookers thoughtlessly jabbered
about the man’s tights,
it won’t lead to fights;
his sword’s too long to draw from that scabbard.
/// “Oh, pish posh!” said the fop, sounding odd,
holding onto his bodkin and rod.
Richard paints me this way
so he might best display
what it means when you have a Dadd bod.
/// Though a “bodkin” is like a stiletto,
there’s a phrase never heard in the ghetto:
If “God’s body” you dread,
say “odd’s bodkins” instead.
(In those tights it is said in falsetto!)
/// Greeks and Romans carved male nudes from stone.
But some parts appeared less than full grown.
The famed David, if real,
would that be their ideal?
Perhaps some things are best left unknown.