Constantin Hansen, Danish
“Yeah, I Don’t Know What a ‘Heaving Bosom’ Is Either. Or a Stable Boy’s ‘Manhood.’ Maybe We Should Put This Back Before Mommy Catches Us Reading It,” 1826
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here (Google translated), and here (Google translated), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Danish Wikipedia page has more).
Archive of 2nd here link if needed.
/// Signe Hansen and sis Henriette,
read a journal that got them upset.
In their late Mother’s diary,
tales of love affairs fiery.
That prim woman was once a coquette.
/// She wrote of the scores who had kissed her.
It would seem that no man could resist her.
And the husband she had
wasn’t really their Dad,
explained Henriette to her (half?) sister.
/// At the end of this sordid depiction,
(which had led to some sisterly friction),
they discovered the journal,
by their parent maternal,
had been penned as some Gothic fan-fiction.
/// But, in retrospect, they should have guessed
there were lies in what Mom had “confessed.”
That hundreds of lovers
took turns ‘neath her covers,
and the King of the Moon was the best.
/// In this book that their teacher assigned
are ideas that perturbed each girl’s mind.
It says blacks were enslaved,
and some whites misbehaved.
They complained— and the teacher “resigned.”
/// In a book that they read the next day
a girl had two Mommies (both gay).
But that book wasn’t banned;
a new ending was planned
where the lesbians prayed it away.
/// This book, Malleus Malefacarum,
might not kill Timmy, but it could scare ‘im.
With some more girls (eleven),
who had no fear of heaven,
they could form their own coven or harem.