Thomas Faed, Scottish
“Wow! What An Exciting Game of Checkers!” (Said No One Ever), 1861
Oil on panel
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MASTERPIECE #2792
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, and here (the second of which may be unresponsive), perhaps in addition to what's in his Wikipedia page.
/// Duncan bet with his nephews and niece
that the losers at draughts would decrease
their share in his will.
It all went well, until
Hamish saw Duncan swallow a piece.
/// Hamish, hand to his head, was amazed.
Uncle Duncan was not at all fazed.
“If you’d offered me meat,
or some sweets I could eat,
I would never on checkers have grazed.”
/// Duncan used his skills at arts and crafts
to create this home-made game of draughts.
Through his checkered career
he had bilked with no fear.
Now each heir Duncan happily shafts.
/// Sleight-of-hand allowed Duncan, with ease,
to replace vital checkers with cheese,
from his Checkerboard Farm,
which he ate with no harm.
His opponents were brought to their knees.
/// Meanwhile, off in a corner, their Gram,
had been witnessing Duncan’s draughts scam.
Later on, the door shut,
she demanded a cut.
“Cash or gaol. Choose. I don’t give a damn!”
/// It is nearly a judicial dictum
that Gram wasn’t an innocent victim.
Though her blackmail would fail,
Duncan did go to gaol
when his relatives learned how he’d tricked ‘em.