Daniel Ridgway Knight, American
“Last Week, Jay and I Went Apple-Picking. Or As the Security Guard at the Apple Store Called It: ‘Shoplifting,'” ca. 1888
Oil on canvas
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/// These Two Women are in Conversation.
A field somewhere in France— the location.
In the distance, sheep graze;
further back, hills in haze.
Topic: How to foil fertilization.
/// The blonde gives her brunette friend advice
because she’s been around once or twice.
With her arms held akimbo,
she denies she’s a bimbo,
but believes being “bad” can be nice.
/// To her friend, the blonde makes a suggestion.
There’s a product she ought to invest in.
By the men it is worn
to prevent a newborn
and it’s made from a lamb’s small intestine.
/// “This protection he’ll try to dispute,
but his feelings about it are moot.
Have him sheathe it. Insist—
or he’ll only get kissed.
Repeat two words: ‘Paternity suit’.”
/// Many men are attracted to jugs.
Some seek out zaftig women for hugs.
There’s her husband who thinks
they’re containers for drinks.
He enjoys getting high when he chugs.