Federico Andreotti, Italian
“Oh, I Was Merely Saying That I Wanted To Purchase Your Entire Inventory. But You’re Right. ‘I’d Love To De-Flower You’ Was Perhaps a Poor Choice of Words,” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary.), here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page may have more).
/// Lisabetta felt some apprehension
when rude men conversed with condescension.
Not Enrico; he’s charming
with a smile that’s disarming.
Her cheeks blush from his Welcomed Attention.
/// He was handsome and strong as a stallion,
(and he claimed he had led a battalion).
First, he bought all her flowers,
then stood chatting for hours,
taking notes on how she spoke Italian.
/// He explained that the reason she’s broke
is the lower-class accent she spoke.
She replied, on a whim,
if she moved in with him
he could teach her to speak like rich folk.
/// She is clearly enjoying his flirting.
She finds nothing he’s said disconcerting.
In Pygmalion, by Shaw,
rudeness was Higgins flaw,
but Enrico’s discourse is diverting.
/// He accepted the plan she’d detailed
to move in, when his teaching she hailed.
She was feeling empowered.
(As for being “deflowered,”
many years ago that ship had sailed.)
/// The corsage she’d pinned over her heart
was too huge, and it soon fell apart.
He said, “May I assist.”
The girl couldn’t resist.
Blooms retrieved; soon a romance would start.
> or <
/// Modern women can easily pay
for what’s called “Intimate Body Spray.”
But way back in the day
a large floral bouquet
worked as well (if you shoo’d bees away).
> or <
/// He believes her small foot size reveals
that she’s bound to voice amorous squeals.
But it’s not whether feet
are too big or petite,
it’s the roundness of both of her heels.