Johann Baptist Reiter, Austrian
“Excuse Me, Ma’am. Ma’am, Wake Up! You Can’t Sleep In Here. This Is An IKEA,” 1849
Oil on canvas
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Info, and perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), and here (Google translated), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page has more).
/// Reiter’s Slumbering Woman in bed
is his wife on the night they were wed.
His magnificent frau
needs some lovemaking now,
but he set out to paint her instead.
/// Every human needs love in her life.
Johann fondled his best palette knife.
Looking’s fine, but a touch
isn’t asking too much.
Guess that’s why she’s the artist’s first wife.
/// As an artist Johann’s a creator,
but some Viennese might call him traitor:
a political hellion,
siding with the rebellion.
His first wife left him just two years later.
/// There are few more delightful things known,
than to have a great love of your own.
The nights blend into days
in a sensuous haze,
but the artist’s first wife is alone.
/// His names, Johann (John) Baptist, seem grim,
and his first wife, as shown, isn’t prim.
If you’ve studied your Bible
you’re probably liable
to know what she wanted from him.
/// As, last night, to his bed she was heading,
all her clothing she slowly was shedding.
In the morn she’d awaken,
thinking she’d been forsaken.
Wait! Who’s under that bulge in the bedding?
/// He’s the friendliest ghost one could meet.
Seeming childlike, good-natured and sweet.
Transformation’s complete
to invisible “treat,”
when, in bed Caspar, slips off his sheet.
/// All the bedding’s a big tangled mess,
and her nightie is off, (more or less).
But that’s no indiscretion.
In the lady’s profession
she won’t dress; she’ll UNdress for success.
> or <
/// A clerk saw her, then tripped on a bench.
As he leered at her, jaw muscles clench.
Nude Miss Allen, (Sophia),
fell asleep in IKEA
Wrenched awake, she’s their first Allen wench.