
Arthur Trevor Haddon, British
“That Guy I Went Out With Last Night? On His Profile, He Calls Himself a ‘Maritime Navigational Engineer.’ Turns Out That’s Code For ‘Gondolier,'” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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/// A Street Market in Venice is seen,
but the scene’s unbelievably clean.
From their smiles one can’t tell
small canals sometimes smell.
(There is nowhere to dig a latrine.)
/// Haddon knew he was there as a guest,
and by lovely young girls was impressed,
so he put the best face
on this pigeon-fouled place,
leaving critical views unexpressed.
/// Arthur found signorine to pose,
(first determining they had no beaux).
If a street scene went well
he would then try to sell
them on modeling with fewer clothes.
/// Posing totally bare was denied
by one model with morals and pride.
Black hose had to be worn
due to vows she had sworn
in the Fall when her old husband died.
/// The cliche says that tourist girls flip
for a boatman who likes a tight grip
on his gondolier’s pole.
She will fall for his “soul”
and they’ll haggle about his big tip.