Wilhelm Bendz, Danish
Knowing her UFC Match Was Scheduled For Right After Her Sitting, Hazel Had Her Trainer Tape Up Her Hands Ahead of Time, 1830
Oil on canvas
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/// Wilhelm’s aunt, Mette Sophie, won fame
with Fuglsang as her Danish last name.
You don’t read that word wrong,
it translates to “birdsong.”
Very sweet (for a broad-shouldered dame).
/// Mette’s dressed in her best fine white lace,
for adornments at wrists, neck and face.
Her whole outfit’s “too much,”
and she’s Danish, not Dutch,
(but to make that mistake’s no disgrace).
/// Auntie Fuglsang, when dressing up, shoves
both her hands into fingerless gloves
so she won’t get things wet
when her palms start to sweat,
but can still use the iPhone she loves.
/// When Danes suffer from hunger or thirst,
they all come to this odd woman first.
For her shoulders, so wide,
both have wineskins inside,
and her sausage curls wind around wurst.
/// Keen couturiers quickly bewail
that her outfit’s a full fashion fail.
It turns tasteful folk pale.
She left out one detail:
Her look could be improved… with a veil.
/// It’s a bold fashion option she chose
to wear two overlapping large bows.
One’s for show, at her breast,
but the bow she likes best
keeps her bonnet in place when wind blows.
/// Wilhelm’s painting helped Mette meet guys.
She wore blue, which would bring out her eyes.
And she had to confess,
though she wore a nice dress,
what she does best is accessorize.
/// Head surrounded by stiff lacy mesh
(which prevents men from getting too “fresh”),
it appears that a Wizard
conjured up a frilled lizard.
Check out Mette’s reptilian flesh.
/// That extremely tight bow ‘neath her chin
is restricting the blood flow within
Mette’s thin scrawny throat.
She’s too woozy to vote,
and she barely can swallow her gin.