Christoffer Wilhelm Eckersberg, Danish
“At the Conclusion of My Teachings, I Shall Give You a Thorough Examination — Uhh, That Is, I Will Administer a Testes — a TEST!, I Mean — That Will Reveal How Your Intellect Has Groin — Err, GROWN. I’m Sorry — Could You Please Put On Some Pants Or Something?,” ca. 1813-16
Oil on canvas
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Info about this artist can be found in my comment at an earlier blog entry.
/// Alcibiades lived in the dorm.
Teacher Socrates fell for his form.
In a long dialogue
he explains, all agog,
“Hat and shoes are your school uniform.”
/// He’d heard Socrates teach what is fair.
So he draped a red cape on the chair.
Many Greeks feared disease,
and this helped to appease
other students who also sat there.
/// Alcibiades stripped off his robes,
stimulating ol’ Soc’s frontal lobes.
With his teacher he toyed,
thus he couldn’t avoid
those occasional deep anal probes.
/// Al was known for his striking male beauty,
but, to hide it, he thought, would seem snooty.
Though he covered his hair,
he would go to school bare,
where his nickname was “cutie-patootie.”
/// “Reading right palms reveals people’s fates,
and my left palm here tells you my traits.
Though Xanthippe’s my wife,
her strife sours my life.
Sadly, men must take women for mates.”
/// There’s the tale of a large, lovely cake
Al sent Socrates, for friendship’s sake.
That sweet gift was then found
trampled into the ground
by Xanthippe, (and not by mistake).
/// This fierce termagant Socrates wed
was so shrewish she filled men with dread.
One time when the two fought,
a large, full chamber pot
the scold emptied… on Socrates’ head!
Note: Many scholars dispute this view of Socrates’ wife as a nagging shrew.
/// People who have had too much to eat
may develop grotesque cellulite.
Other hefty folks might
call their lumps cellulite.
Either way, don’t display your nude seat.