Titian, Italian
“Hey, Ladies! I Saw on the News That They’ve Abolished the Right To Privacy, So I Thought I’d Pop By and Say Hi,” Between 1556 and 1559
Oil on canvas
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Info about this artist can be found here.
/// In comes Actaeon, with no permission
from Diana, on (nude) exhibition.
Would the painter have pity on
those who voice his name: “Tîtty-on”?
(The right way to pronounce it is “Titian.”)
/// The pink bath towel hung up to dry
had concealed the approach of this guy.
When he brushed it aside
he just stood there, wide-eyed.
his gaze fixed on Diana’s white thigh.
/// Though he claimed no desire to offend,
they could see him begin to distend.
“We are just here for bathing,”
said one, “not misbehaving.”
(She’s a “nymph” with no “o” at the end.)
/// Had he not been a smug macho smarty,
he’d have quickly turned round to depart. He
leered at goddess and nymphs,
(taking more than a glimpse),
soon he’d be in a one-man stag party.
/// The nude goddess was hardly amused.
His transgression would not be excused.
Transformative magic
turned this bawdy tale tragic.
As a stag, he died bloody and bruised.
/// In that sylvan glade, shaded and leafy,
bathed Diana (to modern eyes, beefy).
Changed voyeur into stag,
which, for him was a drag.
Who was killed by his dogs? Oh, good grief— He!
/// Made a male deer, (a victim of fate),
he’s defined by the cud that he ate.
Actæon was, I grant,
thoughtless and ruminant.
He’d have lived had he learned: Ruminate!