David Adolph Constant Artz, Dutch
“I Appreciate the Effort. I Do. But Next Time Can We Please Just Go To Target and BUY Me Underpants?,” Between 1870-90
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here and here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Dutch Wikipedia page has more).
/// Watch the Dutch Boy and Girl in the Dunes.
They’d hang out there through long afternoons.
She would practice her stitching
While the boy lay there bitching
That Artz made them both look like buffoons.
/// “Why’d he put us out here in the sand?
Other models get poses more grand.
At least you get to sew,
While I’m gritty below,
and only my right side gets tanned.”
/// “Also, Artz doesn’t know about arts.
The way he paints people departs
from the Classical mode
where anatomy showed.
He has covered up all of your parts.”
/// To be cold a Dutch model abhors.
In the winter she poses indoors.
Far from cold windy dunes
She warms up in saloons,
and gets nude if the artist implores.
// Sem reacted with blushes and snickers
to see Sanne mend some lady’s knickers.
He’d have laughed ’til he squealed
had young Sanne revealed
that these undies were really the vicar’s.
// She had learned how to sew from her Gran.
And she didn’t mind helping a man
by repairing a rip,
but the sheet she would skip.
She refused to sew robes for the Klan.
/// She refuses to sew for Klan louts,
though assailed by their curses and shouts.
And a pillowcase, too,
is a job she’ll eschew.
They are robes for the toddler Klan Scouts.