Jacob Jordaens, Flemish
Dutch Noblewoman, After Mishap Changing Her Air Filter, 1635
Oil on canvas
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MASTERPIECE #632
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here (archived if necessary), and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page has more).
/// Her huge network of contacts filled decks
of small cards. Finding one was complex.
Catherine somehow surmised,
“If they’re alphabetized,
we can wear them rolled up round our necks.”
(Things were ruff then, before Rolodex.)
/// Soon the ruff was a “must-have” Dutch fashion.
Catherine hoped, on the fad, she would cash in.
No. To neck with someone
you must wait for your fun.
By the time both undressed there’s no passion.
/// She wants passion, (a kiss, not a peck).
Making love ‘til her hairdo’s a wreck.
She often has thanked her
man after he spanked her,
but she hates starched lace scratching her neck.
// On hot days when it chafes, she would choke,
and from purchase and upkeep go broke.
For the sake of high fashion
she developed a rash on
her whole neck, which it also would cloak.
/// One more problem with ruffs was a pip.
You must watch what you put to your lip.
If red wine you should sip,
or eat foods with a dip,
ruffs got ruined from one single drip.
/// Despite problems, this weird apparatus
had become a huge symbol of status,
Catherine never gained fame
for she gave up her claim
to the style— which she let them wear gratis.