“Sir, We’ve Confiscated All the Enemy’s Gold, Their Horses, and Their Weapons, But Unfortunately This Is All They Had in the Way of Toilet Paper. Can You Hold It Until We Get Back to Rome?,” Date Unknown
Joseph Bergler the Younger, Austrian “Sorry to Interrupt, Sir, But Your Dad’s on the Phone. Something About Not Being Able To Find the Remote For the Pearly Gates,” 1822