THAT IS PRICELESS

Henri Jules Jean Geoffroy, French

Back When Obstetricians Used To Charge By the Pound, 1903

Oil on canvas

Jean-Léon Gérôme, French

“Be Careful When You Get Out, Rachel. I Just Stepped in a Huge Pile of Camel Crap Over By the Snack Bar,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

John Opie, English

“The IRS’s Letter Is Pretty Clear, Sir. It Appears You Can NOT Deduct Your Trophy Wife As a ‘Depreciating Asset,'” 1802

Oil on canvas

Jan Maurits Quinkhard, Dutch

“Excuse Me, Jan, But I’m Prairie-Dogging It Right Now. Can We Take a 5?,” 1754

Oil on canvas

John Ferguson Weir, American

It Wasn’t That Peggy Wasn’t In Love With John. She Just Didn’t Like Feeling Vulnerable. Which Admittedly Was Odd For a Crash Test Dummy, 1885

Oil on canvas

David Adolph Constant Artz, Dutch

“I Appreciate the Effort. I Do. But Next Time Can We Please Just Go To Target and BUY Me Underpants?,” Between 1870-90

Oil on canvas

Basile Lemeunier, French

It Certainly Wasn’t Ideal, But Midge and Madge Appreciated the Fact That If You Were Going To Be Conjoined Twins, Being Connected at the Elbow Was Probably the Best Scenario, 1900

Oil on canvas

Jean Baptiste de Champaigne and Nicolas de Plattemontagne, French

“Oh Hi, I’d Like You To Meet Ron Tucker From People Magazine. Guess Who Was Just Named ‘Sexiest Cellist Alive,'” 1654

Oil on canvas