Author: Steve Melcher

August Jernberg, Swedish

Hans Holbein the Younger’s Even More Precocious Son, Hans Holbein the Barely Out of Diapers, Before 1865

Oil on canvas

Jan Tengnagel, Dutch

“Sir, the Good News Is We Just Had a Table for 16 Free Up. The Bad News Is It’s In Our Non-Van Dyke Section,” 1613

Oil on canvas

William Quiller Orchardson, Scottish

“This Is Truly a Well-Crafted Blade, Good Sir — Worthy of the Most Courageous of Warriors. But I’m Actually Just Looking For a Pizza Cutter,” Before 1897

Oil on canvas

Sir William Quiller Orchardson, Scottish

Halfway Through Dictating His Memoirs, Napoleon Realizes It’d Be Easier To Just Do a Podcast, 1892

Oil on canvas

Peter Paul Rubens, Flemish

The Three Graces: Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia (Not Pictured: The 4th Grace, Shemp), ca. 1635

Oil on oak panel

Charles Boom, Belgian

“You’re Posing For a Statue, Dumbass. The Painter is THAT Way,” 1901

Oil on canvas

Edward Hopper, American

“Congratulations, Sir. According To My Files, That Was Your 311th Inappropriate Comment About My Work Outfits — A New Branch Record!,” 1940

Oil on canvas

Augustus Vincent Tack, American

“Shlomo? Seriously? Wow. That Is NOT What I Would’ve Guessed the ‘S’ Stood For,” 1949

Oil on canvas