Author: Steve Melcher

John Smith, American

“Honey, I Think It’s Only Fair To Explain To the Kids That When We’re Talking About Taylor Having Endorsed You For President, We Mean Zachary Taylor,” 1866

Color lithograph

Anton Hickel, Austrian

“Then It’s Settled. Despite Not Being Remotely Funny, ‘The Bear’ Can Be in the Comedy Category. The Same Way We Let ‘Breaking Bad’ Compete as a Cooking Show,” 1793-94

Oil on canvas

Dominique Papety, French

“He Loves Me, But Just Doesn’t Feel Ready To Make a Commitment…He Loves Me, But Just Doesn’t Feel Ready To Make a Commitment NOT. He Loves Me…,” 1848

Oil on oak wood

Lodewijk van der Helst, Dutch

“My Esteemed Houseguests: It’s Been Brought To My Attention That We Have Run Out of Toilet Tissue. Reserves Will Arrive With the Morrow’s Post. In the Meantime, I’m Afraid We’ll Have To Make Do With a Few of My Early Pencil Sketches,” ca. 1660-72

Oil on canvas

Bartholomeus van der Helst, Dutch

“Yo Babe, the Painter Has Asked You Numerous Times To Stop F***ing Around With Those Flowers,” 1654

Oil on canvas

Bartholomeus van der Helst, Dutch

“I’m Sorry, I’m a Little Deaf in My Left Ear. Could You Please Repeat What You Just Said About My Mustache, Tough Guy?,” 1668

Oil on canvas

Boris Kustodiev, Russian-Soviet

“Hey! I’ve Been Using This As a Dipping Sauce. When Were You Planning To Tell Me It’s Your Cat’s Food Dish?,” 1918

Oil on canvas

Albert Lynch, Peruvian

“What, These Flowers? Yeah, Bob Cheated On Me Again. But You Know What They Say: The Third Swedish Nanny’s a Charm,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas