Author: Steve Melcher

Per Krafft the Elder, Swedish

“Here’s How This Works: If I’m Pleased With Your Portrait, I Shall Leave This Lever Just So. However, If I Am Displeased, I Shall Pull Said Lever and Drop You Into the Fetid Sewers Beneath the Castle. But the Important Thing Is To Have Fun With It,” ca. 1767

Oil on canvas

Adolphe-Alexandre Lesrel, French

“We All Got One of These After That Naval Battle We Lost To the Spaniards. I Think Our Captain Called It a…’Participation Trophy?,'” 1906

Oil on panel

Lucius Wolcott Hitchcock, American

When the Lumberjack Jobs Dried Up, Paul Bunyan Shaved His Beard and Became a Dermatologist, 1911

Oil on board

Frans Moormans, Dutch

Thanks To His Father, Henry’s Attempt at Romance Was Cut Short. But Don’t Feel Too Sorry For Him. Back in the 17th Century, This Was Considered Third Base, 1867

Oil on canvas

Giovanni Paolo d’Agostino, Italian

Five Minutes Into Their Date, Sir Gerald Suddenly Realized That He and Lady Evelyn Had Absolutely Nothing in Common…Other Than Roughly 95% of Their DNA, ca. 1520

Oil on canvas

William Henry Lippincott, American

As Edwin Would Later Tell the Police, It Was Only AFTER He Had Discharged His Stun Gun That He Remembered That Lily Was Going To Be in Town For the Weekend, 1890

Oil on canvas

Saul Tepper, American

When 2 a.m. Rolled Around and Douglas’s Party Guests Didn’t Take His Yawning as a Hint, He Opted For a More Direct Approach, 1925

Oil on canvas

Heinrich Rettig, German

“Well, That Depends. If I Tell You I Like It, Will You Agree To Turn the Heat Up in Here?,” Before 1921

Watercolor on paper