Author: Steve Melcher

Nicolaas Pieneman, Dutch

Rembrandt Looking at Porn (For “Research Purposes” Only), 1852

Oil on panel

Antonin Hölperl, Czech

“You Jackass. That’s Not What I Meant When I Asked You To Bring Me My Glasses From the Kitchen,” Before 1888

Oil on canvas, laid down on board

Laurent de La Hyre, French

Putting a Woman on a Pedestal: Step 1 of 4, 1635

Oil on canvas

American Lithographic Co., N.Y.

“Ohhh, You Have a Pet Pir-AN-ha. LOL, I Thought You Said I-GUA-na. What? I’m Sorry — I Can’t Understand You When You’re Frantically Pointing at the Water and Shrieking Like That,” 1900

Lithograph

Louis-Léopold Boilly, French

From the Discontinued IKEA Items Catalog: the Beåvørskrübben, ca. 1790

Oil on canvas

James Lobley, English

When His Gamekeeper Returned Home Empty-Handed After Yet Another Hunt, Lord Bentley Began To Question His Decision To Hire a Vegetarian, ca. 1873

Oil on canvas

De Scott Evans, American

“It’s Called a ‘Clock,’ Honey. It’s What People Use To Tell Time When Their Phone Battery’s Dead, Their Cable Box Is Off, and They Can’t See the Microwave,” 1881

Oil on canvas

Nicolas-René Jollain, French

“Not That I’m Complaining, My Lady, But When You Said You Needed Help With Your ‘Toilet,’ I Kinda Thought I Was Coming Up Here To Jiggle a Handle,” ca. 1780

Oil on copper

Henri Gervex, French and Alfred Stevens, Belgian

“Excuse Me, Guys. Am I Correct in Assuming We’re in a Portrait of the Most Prominent Painters in 19th-Century France? Or Is This the Line For the Men’s Room?,” 1889

Oil on canvas

Carl Holsøe, Danish

“B*tch, I Know You Can Hear Me. So Are You Going To Get Me That Cracker or What?,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas