Author: Steve Melcher

Etienne Jeaurat, French

“Guess What You’re Wearing? Mmm, I Bet It’s That Sexy Little See-Through Number I Bought You in Vegas. Can I Open My Eyes Now?,” Date Unknown

Watercolor and chalk on paper

John George Brown, American

Before the Bicycle-Built-For-Two Craze, There Was the Tandem Flute, 1870

Oil on canvas

John George Brown, American

“Hmm, What Do You Call a Dog Who Just Sits There in One Place? I’ve Got It! Spot!,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Ernst Ludwig Kirchner, German

Portrait of the Artist (After Passing Out in a Plate of Baked Beans), 1925

Oil on canvas

Friedrich Friedländer, Bohemian-Austrian

“I Have To Admit, Ruth, You’re Not Exactly What I Was Looking For, But I Guess You Never Know What You’ll Get When You Match on Grindr,” Before 1901

Oil on panel

Horace Bonham, American

“Rats. When I Was Time Traveling This Morning, I Think I Left My Laptop Back in 1879. And I’m Pretty Sure I Had a Window of Porn Open. I Wonder If Anyone Found It,” 1879

Oil on canvas

Friedrich Friedländer, Bohemian-Austrian

“Oh, Shoot. I Remember Paul Saying Something Like ‘One If By Land and Two If By Sea.’ But Was I Supposed to Hang Lanterns or Just Text Him?,” Before 1901

Oil on panel

Julius Exner, Danish

“There’s No Need To Be Frightened, Little Girl. Haven’t You Ever Seen Someone With Two Left Feet Before?,” 1853

Oil on canvas