Author: Steve Melcher

Raffaello Sorbi, Italian

“Sorry Sir, We Didn’t Know There’d Be a Man in the Audience. Now We’ll Sing It Again As ‘Brown-Eyed Guy,'” Date Unknown

Oil on panel

Achille Glisenti, Italian

Do You Folks Actually Like This Painting? I Think It’s Only Sew-Sew, 1890

Oil on panel

Franz von Defregger, Austrian

Writing Her Review of the Debate, Nell Found Herself Struggling To Come Up With a 10th Synonym for “Sh*tshow,” ca. 1900

Oil on panel

Alfred Stevens, Belgian

“That’s My Bad, Miss. Before I Dusted You, I Should’ve Gotten Your Consent,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Julio Romero de Torres, Spanish

When Geoffrey and Beth’s Daughter Was Born, They Admitted They’d Always Wanted a Girl. “Shocker,” Said Their Sons. 1919

Oil and tempera on canvas

Paul Jamin, French

“Actually Todd, I DO Mind If You Date My Ex,” 1888

Oil on canvas

Aelbert Jansz. van der Schoor, Dutch

Not Only Did Hendrik Love the Look of His New Beard, He Found It Doubled Nicely As a Whisk Broom, 1647

Oil on panel

George Catlin, American

Running Bear Was the Only Witness To the Great Chocolate Heist, and He Wasn’t Talking. Had the Thief Threatened Him To Keep Quiet? I Guess We’ll Never Know, 1844

Oil on canvas

Paul Jamin, French

“On Second Thought, Let’s Just Do Takeout. I Know a Good Neanderthal Place,” 1885

Oil on canvas

Richard Redgrave, English

“Don’t Worry, Cinderella. After Each Girl Tries on the Slipper, We Spray It With That Stuff They Use on Bowling Shoes,” 1842

Oil on canvas