Author: Steve Melcher

Petrus van Schendel, Dutch-Belgian

Every Year, Alyssa Liked To Get Her Holiday Shopping Done Early (at 4:30AM To Be Exact), 1840

Oil on panel

Arnold Böcklin, Swiss

“I Don’t See the Problem. You Said When I Proposed, You Wanted a Nice Rock. Well…Ta Daaaaa!,” ca. 1875-76

Tempera on wood

After Franz von Matsch, Austrian

“All in Favor of Getting Someone OTHER Than Lady Gaga To Design Our Helmets Next Time, Say Aye,” 1908

Color print

Jean-Bruno Gassies, French

“I’ve Managed To Get Hold of Mark Anthony’s Christmas List, Augustus. He’s Asking for an XBox, a Panini Press, and Something Called a ‘Sex Swing’? Oh, and Dominion Over the Known World,” 1814

Oil on canvas

Raimundo de Madrazo y Garreta, Spanish-Italian

“Um, No, You Can’t Have Pictures of My Feet. How Did You Get in Here?,” ca. 1870

Oil on canvas

Ernest-Ange Duez, French

For Estelle, Black Friday Was Traditionally Followed By “Do I Really Know 5 Different People Who’d Want a Rowing Machine?” Saturday, 1891

Oil on panel

Edmund Hodgson Smart, British

Cora Could Understand Her Guests Wanting To Arrive Fashionably Late For Her Thanksgiving Dinner, But It Was Now December 3^rd. Perhaps She Should Turn Down the Heat on the Turkey, 1907

Oil on canvas

August Malmström, Swedish

“Your Highness, I Am the One They Call Odysseus, and My Journey Has Kept Me From Ithaca For Nigh on 20 Years. Please Please PLEASE May I Use Your Restroom?,” 1853

Oil on canvas

Robert Hannah, British

“I Think I’ll Tryyyyyyyy Defiiiiiiining Gravity…” Early 1850s

Oil on canvas