Author: Steve Melcher

Albert Lynch, Peruvian

“What, These Flowers? Yeah, Bob Cheated On Me Again. But You Know What They Say: The Third Swedish Nanny’s a Charm,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Luigi Crosio, Italian

“Oh Fine, Just Drop It Already. But Next Time Could You Please Buy a Stamp Like a NORMAL Secret Admirer?,” 1867

Oil on canvas

Victor Marais-Milton, French

Yes, the Girls’ Roommate Mitch Had Come Home Drunk Again. So They Did the Classy Thing and Poured Him a Pot of Hot Coffee, Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Pieter de Hooch, Dutch

“Good Timing, Young Lady. You Caught Me on My Cheat Day. Let Me Have Two Boxes of Thin Mints, Three Boxes of Samoas…Actually, You Know What? Why Don’t You Just Have Your Mom Back Her Truck Up To My Door?,” ca. 1663

Oil on canvas

Karl von Blaas, Austrian

Woman Wondering What Exactly She Just Bought For Three Bucks at Harry Potter’s Garage Sale, 1859

Oil on canvas

Wilhelm Bendz, Danish

“Hey Guys! Remember When We Saw That Fin at the Beach and Thought It Was a Shark? Turns Out It Was Just Miss Raffenberg Snorkeling,” 1831

Oil on copper

Pierre Outin, French

“Would You Please Excuse Us, Little Lady? Your Aunt and I Would Like To Make Like My Oompa-Loompas and Get Busy,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Carolus-Duran, French

“To Be Honest, Hal, I Wouldn’t Bother Too Much With That. I’d Be Shocked If Anyone Even Notices She HAS Arms,” 1883

Oil on canvas