Author: Steve Melcher

De Scott Evans, American

“It’s Called a ‘Clock,’ Honey. It’s What People Use To Tell Time When Their Phone Battery’s Dead, Their Cable Box Is Off, and They Can’t See the Microwave,” 1881

Oil on canvas

Nicolas-René Jollain, French

“Not That I’m Complaining, My Lady, But When You Said You Needed Help With Your ‘Toilet,’ I Kinda Thought I Was Coming Up Here To Jiggle a Handle,” ca. 1780

Oil on copper

Henri Gervex, French and Alfred Stevens, Belgian

“Excuse Me, Guys. Am I Correct in Assuming We’re in a Portrait of the Most Prominent Painters in 19th-Century France? Or Is This the Line For the Men’s Room?,” 1889

Oil on canvas

Carl Holsøe, Danish

“B*tch, I Know You Can Hear Me. So Are You Going To Get Me That Cracker or What?,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Knapp & Co., American

“Hi, Everyone! Welcome To Colton’s Birthday Party. I’ll Be Right Out With Some Snacks After I Chug a Couple of These Bad Boys in the Bathroom,” 1892

Lithograph

Sigismund Righini, German

Woman Practicing Her Look of Disappointment Before Stepping on the Bathroom Scale, 1904

Oil on canvas

Jules-Alexandre Patrouillard Degrave, French

“Antique, My A**. Last I Checked, Limoges Vases Didn’t Come With West Elm Price Tags,” 1869

Oil on canvas

Karl von Calzada, Spanish

Edward’s Least Favorite Part of Getting It On With Prostitutes Was the Awkwardness of Trying To Redeem His Coupon, 1866

Oil on canvas

William Etty, English

Ron Couldn’t Believe It. Growing Up, He’d Always Been Picked Last in Gym Class. And Now Here It Was Happening Again During Jury Selection, Date Unknown

Oil on canvas