Author: Steve Melcher

Jan Tengnagel, Dutch

“Sir, the Good News Is We Just Had a Table for 16 Free Up. The Bad News Is It’s In Our Non-Van Dyke Section,” 1613

Oil on canvas

William Quiller Orchardson, Scottish

“This Is Truly a Well-Crafted Blade, Good Sir — Worthy of the Most Courageous of Warriors. But I’m Actually Just Looking For a Pizza Cutter,” Before 1897

Oil on canvas

Sir William Quiller Orchardson, Scottish

Halfway Through Dictating His Memoirs, Napoleon Realizes It’d Be Easier To Just Do a Podcast, 1892

Oil on canvas

Peter Paul Rubens, Flemish

The Three Graces: Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia (Not Pictured: The 4th Grace, Shemp), ca. 1635

Oil on oak panel

Charles Boom, Belgian

“You’re Posing For a Statue, Dumbass. The Painter is THAT Way,” 1901

Oil on canvas

Edward Hopper, American

“Congratulations, Sir. According To My Files, That Was Your 311th Inappropriate Comment About My Work Outfits — A New Branch Record!,” 1940

Oil on canvas

Augustus Vincent Tack, American

“Shlomo? Seriously? Wow. That Is NOT What I Would’ve Guessed the ‘S’ Stood For,” 1949

Oil on canvas

Edward Hopper, American

Huh. Jed Hadn’t Realized That When They Offered Him a Window Office, He Was Going To Have To Provide the Windows, 1953

Oil on canvas