Giuseppe Arcimboldo, Italian
If It Really Is True That You Are What You Eat, Scott Might Be Overdoing It With the Fiber, 1591
Oil on panel
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Russian Wikipedia page has more).
/// Holy Emperor Rudolf the second,
as Vertumnus is fruitfully fecund.
This is how he’d be seen,
formed from flora (some green),
by a vegan if starvation beckoned.
/// Rudolf’s portrait is clever and cute.
Man transformed into veggies and fruit.
which are healthy when fresh,
and, unlike human flesh,
if devoured won’t brand biter as brute.
/// Still, despite what I write, I’m repeating
that this painting is not about eating.
Its original aim
was to add to the fame
of the Emperor— fame being fleeting.
/// Arcimboldo employs humor here,
with an ear of corn used as an ear
at the side of the head.
Cauliflower, instead,
would imply boxing damage, severe.
/// Rosy apples are used for his cheeks.
Larynx? Onion vibrates if he speaks.
But I don’t think he cries.
When I look at his eyes,
I don’t think I can see any leeks.
/// Is he fatty red meat? I say, no sir.
(To a more healthy meal he comes closer.)
What does Rudolf consist
of? A grocery list
that you’d take to your local greengrocer.
/// Like the painting, its title is odd.
It’s Vertumnis, an old Roman god
of the plants and each season.
And there’s one other reason.
In the myths, he could shape-shift his bod.
/// Here’s a thing about which I’m confused:
For the rest of him, which plants were used?
If, in place of his weenie,
there’s a giant zucchini,
then the produce dames may be enthused.
/// Meat-based plant-man achieved world-wide fame.
In Bohemia, King was his game.
Could he really be real?
Or was he just a meal?
The Impossible Burgher’s his name.