
Adriaen van Ostade, Dutch
For This Year’s Oscars, Glenda Made the Questionable Decision To Drink Every Time Someone Said the Word “Thank,” ca. 1670
Oil on panel
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/// Woman with a Beer-jug, so devoted
to the brew that her face became bloated.
Her thick-skinned “drinker’s nose”
is so red that it glows,
and her kidneys in pale lager floated.
/// When she moves, her engorged body joggles.
When she speaks to you, soon your mind boggles.
But you’ll lose doubts and fears
after multiple beers
which allow you to view her through “goggles.”
/// There is something van Ostade implies
when he painted that look in her eyes.
Have her choices been wise,
are there faults she denies
in a life she has come to despise?
/// Daily life for a simple Dutch peasant
would not be by observers called pleasant.
So if this woman drank
beer until her mind’s blank,
she was giving herself a nice present.
/// Could it be that the way she’s shown mattered
to her ego so much it was shattered?
There are things we can’t see.
It’s quite possible she
took one look at this work and felt flattered.