Frédéric Soulacroix, French
Lady Penelope Davenport, Excusing Herself To Deal With a Wedgie, Before 1933
Oil on canvas
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MASTERPIECE #3593
/// Off the stage Maxine needed to hustle,
but she froze and could not move a muscle.
Reaching back at the curtain,
flustered, shy and uncertain,
she could feel she was losing her bustle.
/// The Yellow Dress had been designed
to look striking, yet chic and refined.
So it just wouldn’t do
for the audience view
to be of her unpadded behind.
/// (Sometimes Maxine increased what she ate
in the hope that when she put on weight,
what had passed through her lips
would go straight to her hips,
but instead just her bust would inflate.)
/// Maxine’s costumes had layers in back
to replace any curves she might lack.
She could feel the pads slip
down her legs from her hip,
and was having a panic attack.
/// Fellow actors’ attempts to assuage
the great star helped to lure her offstage.
To her dresser she came,
shrieking insults and blame,
in a fit of insane diva rage.
/// Her long dress, silk of yellowish gold,
reflects light so it shows every fold.
When it bunched up behind,
she reached backward to find
that the train isn’t easy to hold.
/// So her hem wiped up dust like a rag,
and on splinters would oftentimes snag,
but that long dress she wore
trailing back on the floor
isn’t what’s meant by “dressing in drag.”