Edmund Birckhead Bensell, American
The Top 10 Most Awkward Romantic Moments (#7): The Preemptive Shotgun Wedding Proposal, 1878
Chromolithograph
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/// Quincy ardently sank to his knees,
begging Effie, “Say ‘yes’ to my pleas!
Though your father’s enraged,
if we two are engaged
that may calm him enough to appease.”
/// Effie’s father is hunting the pair;
he suspects that they’ve had an affair.
The truth’s even more weird—
they are each other’s “beard.”
To admit they’re not straight, they don’t dare.
/// The hound sniffed out their trail through the trees.
T’was the scent of pâté and fine cheese
and expensive French wine
upon which they would dine
with their lovers, Ambrose and Louise.
/// The planned rendezvous never took place.
Lovers left town, avoiding disgrace.
They got married, these two.
(That’s what all people do.)
After vows came a cold, sad embrace.