Hendrik Jacobus Scholten, Dutch
“Well, This Is Awkward. I Brought You Here To Present My Newest Landscape Painting. But Apparently, Some Prankster Has Replaced It With My ‘Self-Portrait in Skimpy Speedo,'” ca. 1850-70
Oil on panel
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/// Once the Princess of Orange dropped by
to the van der Helst Work-shop. Here’s why:
Her new portrait was done.
Was this group-viewing fun?
They described it as “watching paint dry.”
/// Mary Stuart can’t tell if she’s flattered;
she’s just glad her silk gown wasn’t splattered.
The two men in the back
think the painter’s a hack,
since, to them, only nude portraits mattered.
/// Over England her father, Charles, reigned.
When she wed, some new titles were gained.
Bride was nine, (groom fourteen).
Princess Royal (not Queen).
To some Dutch, she still English remained.
/// Mary’s lady friend doesn’t know whether
Mary pulled all her loose wits together.
Can’t be drunk, (doesn’t drink),
yet she laughs, tickled pink!
Isn’t blue when she’s got that blue feather.