Balthasar van den Bossche, Flemish
“Gentlemen, This Is My Artist’s Assistant, Brad. I Let Him Handle the Genitals. Oh, and He Also Does Some Sculpting,” 1709
Oil on canvas
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/// Supervised by three elegant dudes,
sculptors work on two wrestling nudes.
Mighty Hercules’ plight
is he can’t win this fight
when his foe’s goddess mother intrudes.
/// Anateus exploited his worth—
keeping contact with Mom since his birth.
He’d stay grounded at length,
for her touch gave him strength.
This brute’s birth mother is Mother Earth.
/// When Herc pinned his foe down on the ground,
Anateus would rise and rebound.
Yet, held high in the air,
he could be crushed right there.
(Not so tough when his Mom’s not around.)
/// He was giant, (though not quite a Titan),
who would challenge all comers to fightin’
and then killed all he’d beaten,
(though he won fights by cheatin’),
so it’s fair to say he deserved smightin’!
(Several online sources for the name of this painting called it:
“Elegant figures overseeing sculptors working on a statue of
Hercules and Anateus in a palace courtyard.”
His Greek name is usually rendered in English letters as Antæus.)
/// Alexander the Great, they say, feared
the foe might seize his men by the beard.
They were ordered to shave,
but that ploy wouldn’t save
a nude wrestler who fights someone weird.
/// A seized soldier may soon be deceased,
or instead badly wounded, at least.
To avoid being grabbed
by the foe and then stabbed,
Alex had them clean shaven and greased.