Anthoni Schoonjans, Southern Netherlandish
It Was the Night Before His “Shark Tank” Appearance, and Leonardo da Vinci Still Couldn’t Decide Whether To Pitch His Flying Machine or His Air Fryer, Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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/// In his Self-Portrait, truthfullness mattered,
thus the rule about patrons is shattered.
Because Schoonjans had paid,
when his face is portrayed,
artist suffers if model is flattered.
/// Eyes that water (with large bags below),
may not be what he wanted to show,
but his trompe l’ouile skills
are what pay future bills,
therefore looking good’s not how to go.
/// Hand to chin, he is stroking his beard,
in a hat which is, frankly, just weird.
Anthoni (with an “I”)
doesn’t need to show “why.”
This is honestly how he appeared.
/// “I am Southern” he proudly professed.
(Was his heritage some kind of jest?)
When a paintbrush you brandish,
and your look is outlandish,
“Netherlandish” may be for the best.