Charles Napier Kennedy, British
Well, So Much For Chuck’s Top Secret Project. Soon the Entire World Would Know About His Scratch ‘n’ Sniff Paintings, 1898
Oil on canvas
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/// Shakespeare’s Shylock was more than a lender.
As a painter, he’d secretly render
full-length portraits of guys
that his daughter might prize,
and to whom she would gladly surrender.
/// Daughter Jessica lusts after boys,
therefore Shylock developed some ploys.
With brush, canvas, and oils,
her libido he foils,
when she kisses the paintings, (not goys).
/// One day Jess sneaks outside to the streets,
and that’s where young Lorenzo, she meets.
He was far from a saint,
but much warmer than paint,
so the two shared their love ‘tween the sheets.
/// Shylock soon found that he’d been deserted.
His sole daughter had wed (and converted).
And one more little snag,
some sly lawyer in drag
almost got Shylock killed— how perverted!
/// Her bright lipstick stained men’s faces red,
leaving lip-prints on many a head.
But her rash osculation
on a still wet creation
gave the girl a brown mustache instead.
/// Though his hat, robe, and beard seem Hebraic,
it is likely the truth’s more prosaic.
Perhaps, back in the day,
painters all dressed that way,
but times change and it now looks archaic.