Johann Baptist Kirner, German
Just in Case She Ever Actually Won Something, Penny Regularly Practiced Pouring Gatorade on Herself, ca. 1832-36
Oil on canvas
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“How I built my deltoids using a single kettle bell”, by Arnold Classic winner Svetlana Krachnachnikova
/// Sweet Svetlana wants kisses and hugs
from her male friends, (who offer her shrugs).
She’d been told it’s a fact
that a girl can attract
many men just by shaking her jugs.
/// Scorning risk of a slip and a crash,
Jutta swings the crock ‘round with panache.
Should it happen to smash
and the wine inside splash,
there’s a towel tucked into her sash.
/// Before pouring wine into her cup,
Jutta ærates it, shaking it up.
Too bad she’s not aware
there is sediment there
which will spoil every sip she should sup.
/// She was told “That’s the best wine in stock,”
so the grittiness came as a shock.
Told that very old wine
can, from bottles, taste fine,
Jutta sourly replied, “That’s a crock!”
/// The girl’s crock had been molded from clay.
She must make sure the lid seals OK.
Otherwise fast rotation
will provide demonstration
of a one-woman sprinkler spray.