Domenico Tintoretto, Italian
“Believe It or Not, We All Shaved This Morning. Maybe We’re Hitting Those Testosterone Supplements Too Hard,” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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/// In old Venice four Senators seek
job security; prospects are bleak.
From box seats in the loge
they heard this from the Doge:
“List five projects completed last week.”
/// Though the Doge was a force to be feared,
the request he’d delivered was weird.
In the Senate their art
was in looking the part,
and they’d each grown a splendid white beard.
/// One takes care to hide what lies beneath
beard and mustache entwined like a wreath.
He alone wears a hat.
It’s to cover up that
he is bald and has lost all his teeth.
/// These are serious men with great power.
None will smile when they pose– and some glower.
They make clear they expect
to be shown great respect
even though their expressions are sour.
/// It’s well known just how ruthless they are,
(in the Senate, a very low bar).
They send men with no bail
to a grim foreign jail,
which may now be a bridge… [sighs]… too far.
/// In this group portrait by Tintoretto,
we see four men who love amoretto.
One walked into the ghetto
and returned a falsetto.
(Never try to steal someone’s stiletto!)
/// In Italia quite often there
are some women who grow facial hair.
They will dress all in black,
(hormones all out of whack).
Barred from Senate— it hardly seems fair.
/// Though a woman may bat sparkling eyes,
and wear slit skirts to flash silky thighs,
that is not what applies
to compete with these guys
who can stroke bearded chins to seem wise.