Jean-Léon Gérôme, French
Can You Believe That Beautiful Statue Hooked Up With That Sculptor Guy? She Must’ve Been Pretty Hammered, 1890
Oil on canvas
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/// Géróme made several versions of this
scene where sculptor and nüde statue kiss.
They are views contrapuntal,
but this one is full-frontal,
thus risqué, said some critics who diss.
/// Ovid told how a sculptor sought love
from a woman he’d only dreamt of.
For a real girl he prayed,
like the statue he’d made.
Venus heard in Olympus above.
/// Magic morphed cold hard marble to flesh,
and Pygmalian lunged, letting lips mesh.
But the change, (incomplete),
left this Gal with cold feet,
so she slugged him for being so fresh.
/// She kept trying, but couldn’t escape,
as his hands glided over her shape.
Very soon he may see a
complaint from Galatea:
an Attempted Statuary Rāpe.
But the statute did not yet exist/
And she had to resort to a fist:/
The first usage yet known/
Of the term “fists of stone”/
(Though it’s thought that she sprained her right wrist..
Galatea (here fully unclad)/
Was driving Pygmalion mad:/
She was proud of her shape
And was pleased to undrape/
(It’s a problem we all wish we had.)///
Galatea had nothing to hide/
Indeed, she was known to take pride/
In her naked backside:/
And it can’t be denied/
Galatea was justified…///
But you mustn’t lose sight of this:/
When your mate’s a marmoreal miss/
You may share osculation/
But without penetration/
You cannot achieve “ultimate bliss”.
“Is that a dead fish at your feet, or are you just glad to see me?”