Madame Gustave Hequet, French
Artist Trying To Hide His Annoyance That You Just Sneezed on His Easel, ca. 1850-60
Oil on canvas
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/// It seemed Ingres’ anger was chronic;
the boy’s surliness blocked by no tonic.
Although he’d never smile
he embodied a style
which, he thought, made him look quite Byronic.
/// Ingres as a Young Man would lament. He
had been forced to create pentimenti.
Due to canvas’s price,
he would paint on them twice,
saving cash for a hot beverage Venti.
Since I don’t know how to delete the above versions, I am posting revisions here along with some new verses:
/// The hot anger of Ingres was chronic;
the boy’s surliness blocked by no tonic.
Although he’d never smile
he embodied a style
which he thought made him look quite Byronic.
/// His expression is sour and demonic,
but his paintings are often iconic.
For his art he’s adored,
like the verse of that Lord
known as Byron, and just as sardonic.
/// As an “Ingres Young Man” in a rush,
he’d daub paint with a rag, not a brush.
“Some titanium white over blue looks just right
as a fat, happy cloud looking lush.”
/// Ingres as a Young Man would lament. He
had been forced to create pentimenti.
Due to canvas’s price,
he would paint on them twice,
adding layers until there were twenty.
/// Madame Hequet had feared it might taint her,
to portray this ill-mannered young painter.
He wiped chalk from his slate,
his face filling with hate,
the vile words he erased growing fainter.
/// “Listen, here’s how I plan my attack:
First, I’ll jab this sharp stick at her back
when she leaves the girl’s dorm.
On this rag’s chloroform.
That’s how I’ll get her into the sack.”
/// This degenerate would-be abduction
was confided with detailed instruction.
By “the sack” (it’s no joke)
he meant large burlap poke.
His “confession” lead to his destruction.
/// Before carrying out his sick plot,
he was ratted out and the cops got
someone as a decoy.
They arrested the boy
with his chloroform there on the spot.
/// When he sneezed, from his nostril it flew—
a green gob of gross glistening goo.
Having seen the phlegm land,
handy hankie in hand,
a brisk wipe made the canvas like new.