Emil Rudolf Weiss, German
For Awhile There, Jen Was Really Enjoying Her First Time Sunbathing Nude. But Then Came the F***ing Mosquitoes, 1909
Oil on canvas mounted on masonite
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here (archived, if necessary), here, and here (Google translated, if necessary), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page has more).
/// Herta’s flesh is all blotchy and mottled,
‘cause her sunscreen’s homemade and not bottled.
And her head’s an odd sight—
far too far to the right.
Was her neck broken by being throttled?
/// She’s a bit overweight, and yet pallid.
The critiques of her diet were valid.
Carbs and fatty fried food
hurt her body and mood,
so she’s undressed, (just like healthy salad).
/// She’d been much thinner back in her teens,
but was born with her parents’ “fat” genes.
Now to visualize
how to decrease her size,
with eyes closed Herta “sees” leafy greens.
/// If her weight goes up, Herta won’t panic;
she’ll eat small portions, lean and organic.
She took one secret peek,
(Weiss was taking a leak),
at this oil. Her response was volcanic!
/// Emil posed Herta bent and contorted,
and he painted her body distorted.
She seems pained, not seductive,
which was counterproductive.
All his plans to seduce her were thwarted.
/// Great control of your body’s a factor
in becoming a model or actor.
If the pose really hurts,
a wise person deserts
and goes seeking a skilled chiropractor.