Daniel Ridgway Knight, American
“Actually, I’m Not a Shepherd. I Direct Sheep Porn. You May Be Familiar With My Biggest Hit, ‘Ewe Do Ewe’?,” ca. 1890-95
Oil on canvas
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/// Two girls teased handsome shepherd, Phillipe,
asking whether he’d slept with a sheep.
His reply was “Not I!”
(Though a shag he might try.)
Shepherds can’t watch the flock while asleep.
/// He might be, for a ewe, on the make,
but whatever advantage he’d take,
Phillipe strove to be kind
as he snuck up behind
her, and always alert and awake.
/// Was it safe for the grazers to eat?
When he’s lonely, he “turns up the heat.”
The shepherd must guess
if a ewe feels distress,
for their safe-word is only a bleat.
/// That he might lose some sheep was his fear,
because dangers were common and near.
If some stranger should view
what his did with that ewe,
he’d say, “Let’s get the flock out of here!”
/// In his mind lewd thoughts started to swirl.
His idea: Give a threeway a whirl.
As he talked to these two,
his desire for it grew,
but he’d have to get rid of one girl.